While it's wonderful that you care and you obviously have the best of intentions, you're probably making a huge mistake that's sabotaging your efforts.
The number one mistake most people make when trying to get their loved ones to adopt a healthier lifestyle is this: They try to manipulate them into doing it.
Don't get me wrong - the intentions are wonderful. But the method is all wrong.
If there's one thing we humans all have in common it's the hatred of being manipulated. We hate to feel that we're being controlled or that someone ELSE is pulling our strings.
There's this natural rebellion that rises up inside of us when we feel manipulated. We automatically think "I'm going to do the EXACT opposite of what this person wants me to do, EVEN if it means I'll hurt myself doing it".
And, even as children, we can smell manipulation a mile away.
Don't think your child doesn't know you purposely set out the fruit bowl and hid the donuts behind the box of cornstarch. Don't think your spouse doesn't know what you're up to when you suggest they have a salad instead of a pizza for dinner. As human beings we can all sense manipulation and we automatically rebel against it.
So what can you do?
Well, here's the good news: most people don't need to be told that they should lose weight or be healthier. They already know. They know that they want to feel better, lighter, more energetic. They know they need to do something to lose weight or improve their health.
But as long as they are fighting manipulation, they won't have a chance to do anything about it.
So the first step is this: lay off.
Don't say a word. Don't even look at them funny when they take out that chocolate bar and plop down in front of the television. This will probably be the hardest thing in the world for you to do, but if you really love someone you can do it.
The second step is this: give them an example to follow.
Instead of telling them they should change, why not work on yourself? Channel all of that pent-up energy (from not saying anything to them) into making positive lifestyle changes in your own life.
Warning: Do NOT do this simply to manipulate your loved ones. Do this for real. Do this for yourself!
What's the result?
When your loved ones realize that you're no longer trying to change them they will have a chance to actually realize for themselves that they want to be healthier.
And when they see that you are already making wonderful changes in your own life, they will want to be there with you. They'll rush to catch up to you!
Now, this may not happen quickly, but it will happen - if you stick it out and don't fall back into old ways.
What makes me so sure this style works? First-hand experience.
I was the 'loved one' in both situations. Growing up with one parent who tried to verbally manipulate me into eating less or eating certain foods, I automatically rebelled and ate the exact opposite, even though it really only hurt me.
When I got married, it was a revelation to live with someone who never commented on what I was eating. My husband accepted me totally and completely. My weight and my health was my issue - not his. Instead, I saw how he ate and I wanted to eat the same way (since he was naturally slim and never overate).
His example helped me to lose weight and find my own healthy way of eating - but it never would have happened if he'd tried to manipulate me into losing weight.
So if you're trying to get your loved ones to be healthier, stop manipulating and start working on yourself. It's a lot less stress in the long run and EVERYONE wins!
